Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Super.hype: Week 20, 2011

Super.hype is the closest thing to a preview that a guy like me can muster. It'll contain super obvious information, super obvious expectations, and super opinionated commentary preceded by news blurbs about what's up and coming in the hyped-up world of AAA games (and AAA gamesblogs).

The first game to have the honor of  Super.hype is Red Faction: Armageddon.

  • Kotaku thinks the new Deathspank game is gonna be great
  • Firingsquad (one of my favorite PC gaming blogs) posted a new video of MW3. No codpieces, though.
  • Gearbox is all revved up about Duke Nukem Forever. It's goooooooooooold baby!
  • Valve continues to push Steam onto its everloving public. And GDC of course.
 A wild super.hype appears! Prepare for battle...  

     When I hurt you, it means I care about you
    Title: Red Faction: Armageddon
    Developer: Volition
    Publisher: THQ
    Release: June 7, 2011
    Multiplatform (PC, PS3, X360)
    Price: $59.99 (USD)

    Destroy everything in sight. But this time, you're underground. Paradigm: shifted!

    the merits of pedigree

    Mother always said "honesty  is the best policy" as she fed me with marshmallows and breast milk, so for better or for worse I believed it to be the truth. So honestly, I'm only interested in this game because of Red Faction: Guerilla. Guerilla changed the way I played other games. Now, buildings in games mean missed opportunities. They mean broken promises and empty threats. Damn your flashy ways!

    now! with added danger

    The only foreseeable problem with this next game really is in the more ancillary elements like "look" and "feel". The gameplay, as long as it is as stable, substantial, and meaty as the Guerilla, will be successful enough. But that still leaves the question of whether or not the instrusive (extrusive) cutscenes are a delight or a bore. Now, there may be a few reasons why they'd be awesome, but I've already spotted one thing that miffs me a bit: bare chests.
    She's a lady, woah woah woah
    Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies. I love their ladylike features and their ladylike presence. I love the ladylike scent they bring into the room and the ladylike impressions they do of their ladylike friends. I also like boobs, man.

    believe me, you wouldn't want to

    The problem here, though, is that this kind of "look" makes no sense for a character to have in the proposed world of RF:A. I submit these next images for your perusal:
    They called this "staring contest" because if it was called "impaling contest" there would be NO CONTEST

    I only circled his upper ones but look at his FEET. What the hell is going on here
    Rolling from this guy is like trying to roll from a wood chipper. *CHIPPCHIPPCHIPP*
    Really? COME ON

    My mother also reinforced pattern recognition in me as a baby too. Look ma! Patterns!

    chests are from mars, breasts are from venus

    Seriously. I'm all for having beautiful people in games. In all media. I know there's this issue of body image and whatever with movies and role models, but I say hey, we NEED good-looking people to be role models because it means those of us who aren't (yours truly) can at least enjoy their existence (because there really is an objective measure of beauty, really). But this all needs to make some sense. To draw a line from fashion, which is filled with people who are often as beautiful as their are insensible, Coco Chanel changed that world by being practical and reasonable, not by being flamboyant or "avant-garde".

    I'm not saying Volition needs to pull a Coco Chanel. They just need to address this issue:
    That's right. Who said it? Me. That's right.
    It's a small issue maybe. But it makes no sense. It makes no sense!

    Please, make it make some sense.
    Alright so just cut out that red circle and put it on the model on top, ok? How hard is that?

    He gets TWO guns. So selfish!!