-REVIEW: Blocks That Matter- all good things come in boxes
Blocks That
Developer: Swing Swing Submarine
Release: $4.99 (PC, Steam)
Creator of the single most disturbing audio/visual feedback
element known to man
Blocks That Matter is a love letter to gaming.
It’s not complicated. You make blocks from blocks, and only
in the shape of a block that was the basis for the history of block games. You
upgrade tetrobot, a block-shaped robot, with blocks that you collect, and then
use in order to collect other blocks. Blocks will block your path as often as
they create them. You’ve always been thinking with blocks, but you never really
knew until now.
There’s really nothing else. But that’s the beauty of it. It’s
like someone spent so much time eating, cooking, and looking at food that one
day they realized “HEY ALL FOOD HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON” and decided to quest
their way to the recipe for distilling that “something” into its
crystallomagical form (and it was a block) which they then used to build, from
scratch, an enormous creation of such purity and purified essence that you could
enjoy it for every meal of every day until the day you died. So, it was if they
had made everything and nothing all at once.
Blocks That Matter is like the small bits of meat in your
teeth that have been shredded from your careless chewing, the kind that remind
you of what you had for lunch when you’re about to get dessert before bed.
Blocks That Matter is like a lightning bolt to the brain while you’re swimming
in your pool at your New England winter home because your wife threw you off
the couch. Blocks That Matter is like visiting the dentist after a week of
nothing but chocolate, toffee peanut brittle, and no toothbrushes.
Blocks That Matter is the first breath you take after
stumbling out of a 24-hour titty bar. Blocks That Matter is a kiss from your 9th
grade crush 3 months after your divorce (to give you time to get back in to
shape). Blocks That Matter is like a fresh whiff of spearmint leaf in the
middle of Death Valley. Blocks That Matter is like finding a perfect, uncrushed
Butterfinger at the bottom of last year’s Halloween treat bag. Blocks that
Matter is like a two-dollar burger bar with 17 kinds of cheese and no wheat
buns.
Blocks That Matter is like taking command of a Star
Destroyer that’s being pulled in two directions by Starkiller and Darth Vader.
Blocks That Matter is like falling off a cliff in a bubble suit. Blocks That
Matter is saying “no” to every glory hole you come across on the I-5 from San
Diego to Sacramento. Blocks that matter is you, standing there, waiting for the
only thing you’ve ever really chosen to do in your life, and then doing it.
It also has platforming.